A parent’s “to do” list prior to school interviews

This “what to do to be your child’s advocate” list was originally published in December 2008. However, I have decided to post it again as parents are now in the position of preparing for school interviews regarding decisions that must be made about the next school year. 

The list was taken from one of my earlier posts that was also updated based on recommendations from readers. It is certainly not a definitive list but it will give parents an idea of what to do when they know their kids need help.

(#1.) Visit your family doctor or pediatrician.

He or she can rule out disease, infection and/or any genetic or other physiological abnormalities. He or she can also prescribe medication as a last resort if that is necessary.  However, if the physician simply tells you not to worry, be firm. Have the specifics at your finger tips. Don’t take no or wait for an answer. For example, if a infant or toddler is not developing according to regular guidelines, keep a record and share that information — such as when a baby sits, rolls over, crawls (if at all), stands and speaks. Or does the toddler scream or shake their hands at the least bit of provocation? In other words, be prepared and expect answers.

(#2.) If your child is school-aged, visit his or her school.

This section was added after posting. As both Mac and Northern Ontario said in comments, sometimes a classroom teacher and/or a school resource teacher can offer helpful advice. When that happens, everyone can benefit. However, since the school system has a different agenda and is under financial constraints, parents need to be aware that there may be a conflict of interest.  And, frankly, parents who are really good at advocating for their child or children are sometimes seen in a negative light by school administrators.  That said, parents should always remember that it really doesn’t matter what the principal thinks as long as their child is getting the help they need. Of course, politics enters into this dynamic as well. There is an old saying “you can get more with honey than vinegar.” That certainly applies in this situation. While these comments are more likely to relate to public and Catholic schools, more will be said in item (5.) regarding looking at the option of a private school — where a parent/teacher partnership made be better.

(#3.) Visit the local Learning Disability Association or a related organization.

This is key. I was involved with the Niagara area LDA for many years, both as a parent and as a professional. While they don’t make specific recommendations, they have lists of the types of resources and professionals a parent may need. And, often they will make a referral. I can’t stress this option enough. Make an appointment. What parents will learn will help immensely. Here is the link to the Canadian Learning Disability Association where you can “Find the Chapter nearest you” which is found on the site’s left sidebar. (Link) Of course, other associations can also provide assistance, such as the Association for Community Living or the Autism Society of Canada. For links, see my header bar under “Parent Resources.” 

(#4.) Act on physician and LDA recommendations.

Never feel embarrassed or pushy. This is your child we are talking about. Too often pre-schools and regular schools will give parents that impression. Ignore them. Be polite but firm. Have all your facts at your finger tips. Do not blame. Just insist on the help your child needs. Remember, that in ten or twenty years you will still be helping your child and those educators will be retired and have long forgotten about you. In other words, think long term.

(#5.) Pay for private testing/treatment/schools if necessary.

If your physician or school system has your child on a waiting list for testing or specialized treatment, find out the name of a registered psychologist who does private testing and/or a behavioural therapist who offers private ABA (applied behavioural analysis treatment for severe autism spectrum disorders). And, even if you have to pay with post-dated cheques or have to borrow money, if at all humanly possible don’t wait. Or, if that option is just not possible, visit the various social services groups to see if they can help — like the Lions, Kiwanis, Rotary, and so on. It can take years, valuable time wasted, if you put all your eggs in one basket. The school systems do what they can with the money they have available, but they can’t be all things to all people. So, parents need to be their own advocate. Some major medical plans through employment also pay a portion of private testing and treatment — as long as there has been a referral from a physician. Lastly, as sor said in a comment, consider a private school.

(#6.) Join a parent or disability support group.

Join a parent support group of some kind,  be it for learning disabilities, autism, attention deficit, cerebral palsy or Tourette’s. Talk to other parents. Find out what they are doing. Tell them what you are doing. Be involved. Be known. If possible, be a spokesperson for a group. Share your experiences with other parents at meetings or even conferences. Word of mouth (and now the blogosphere) is one of the main ways for parents to find out what they need or can do.

(#7.) Read and become knowledgeable.

There are lots of books and articles available on line. To begin with, search out all the links on this “Parent Resources” page on my header bar.

(#8.) Don’t wait on anyone else.

Waiting! One of the most frustrating things for parents who are trying to find out what may be wrong with their child, or what can be done to help them, is the waiting.  Sometimes there is no other option but to wait. Whatever the case, take other steps that you can do. Always remember you are your child’s advocate.  So, while waiting, get started on item 6. above by gathering together all the necessary information you need to move ahead — test results, special education programs that might be available, where ABA therapy is being offered, and so on.

10 thoughts on “A parent’s “to do” list prior to school interviews

  1. Very good advice. Our daughter has SMA, and was diagnosed early on. But she was misdiagnosed at the beginning. 1st “doctor” said she was fine and not to worry that all kids grow and develop at different rates. 2nd “doctor” diagnosed her with MD and said she would’nt live past 10. Finally, she was properly diagnosed with SMA and though the future is never certain, she is turning 18 this month and showing no signs of slowing down or letting this get the best of her.

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  2. Very good advice. Our daughter has SMA, and was diagnosed early on. But she was misdiagnosed at the beginning. 1st “doctor” said she was fine and not to worry that all kids grow and develop at different rates. 2nd “doctor” diagnosed her with MD and said she would’nt live past 10. Finally, she was properly diagnosed with SMA and though the future is never certain, she is turning 18 this month and showing no signs of slowing down or letting this get the best of her.

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  3. Sean — I am assuming you are referring to spinal muscular atrophy. That is a rare disorder and its not surprising it took a couple of doctor to make the correct diagnosis. But, it is why I always say don’t take no for an answer if you feel something is wrong with your child OR the diagnosis. I just shake my head at the 2nd doctors diagnosis. I am really glad to hear she is doing so well.

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  4. Sean — I am assuming you are referring to spinal muscular atrophy. That is a rare disorder and its not surprising it took a couple of doctor to make the correct diagnosis. But, it is why I always say don’t take no for an answer if you feel something is wrong with your child OR the diagnosis. I just shake my head at the 2nd doctors diagnosis. I am really glad to hear she is doing so well.

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